I take safety very seriously, both yours and mine. Things stop being fun and hot if someone gets injured.
If you ever have questions or concerns about safety please don't hesitate to ask. I believe transparency in this area is very important for everyone's comfort, consent, and well being.
I don't pretend to know everything about safety - I'm always seeking out, learning, and integrating new information into my practice.
I have a background in sexual health and harm reduction, which informs many of my practices and principles around safety.
I believe there is no such thing as safe play and sex, just safer play and sex. Everything we do involves some level of risk.
Mitigating Risks of Injury
Many of the things that we might do, such as bondage, play piercing or pegging, carry a small but real risk of injury. In addition to bringing a wealth of knowledge and experience to our scene, I also take additional steps to reduce the risk of any injuries while we play.
This may include things like:
- keeping important safety supplies near by, such as EMT shears for quickly cutting through rope, plastic wrap or zip ties;
- regular verbal check-ins until I've learned your tolerances and body language;
- explaining the risks and what to expect from activities which are new to you;
- monitoring your reactions and body language for signs of shock, lack of circulation, or pinched nerves;
- insisting on knowing if something hurts, and how much (even if it's supposed to hurt);
- checking in, and if needed, offering aftercare at the end of a scene;
- explaining self care practices you should engage in after you leave.
Careful, thoughtful attention to health and safety helps to ensure that you have a positive experience without lasting or unexpected negative effects.
If you have any questions about safety please don't hesitate to ask.
Disclosure of Health Concerns
If you have any health concerns that might be impacted by or have an impact on our scene, please let me know ahead of time. Any health disclosures you make will be kept strictly confidential.
This is by no means a comprehensive list, but some examples of conditions that may be important to disclose, depending on what activities we have planned, include: heart conditions, asthma, clotting disorders, back or joint injuries, PTSD, recent surgeries, prostatitis, high or low blood pressure.
Please also let me know if you have or think you might have an infection that is transmitted through the air, saliva, or skin to skin contact. This includes but is not limited to: the flu, mono, pertussis, molluscum, syphilis, herpes.
It's important that I'm informed and able to give any health concerns their proper consideration. I will not reject you for disclosing a health concern or infection. I may modify the way we play, for your health and mine. If you have an active airborne/droplet transmitted infection (such as the flu), I may request that we reschedule.
If you'd like to check in about a specific condition or infection, please contact me.
The principles of Universal Precautions guide my approach to preventing transmission of infections, recognizing of course, that a play setting with intimacy is different from a health care setting, and specific practices need to be adapted or changed.
Safer Sex & Play
I maintain low-risk safer sex standards for your benefit and mine.
I use barriers for all activities that might involve an exchange of bodily fluids, with the exception of kissing. If you are comfortable with the idea of coming into contact with my bodily fluids that is something that we can negotiate. I get routinely tested for HIV, hepatitis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis and trichomoniasis on a regular (usually quarterly) basis, and am vaccinated for hepatitis A and B, and HPV.
I buy only high quality, non-porous, body-safe insertable toys, made from materials such as silicone, metal, hard plastic, or glass. After each use I sanitize them with a bleach solution. They are regularly inspected for damage which could trap microbes. If you would like these toys to be covered with a condom, I'm happy to accommodate that.
Some external toys, such as vibrators, have parts which are porous. These get covered with a condom if they will come in contact with bodily fluids or mucous membranes, and are cleaned thoroughly and appropriately for their material after each use.
I do not use jelly toys or insertables made from unsafe materials which can leach phthalates or other harmful chemicals into your body, not even covered with a condom.
For activities which deliberately break skin, such as piercing or cutting, I use single-use needles and scalpels, which are disposed of in a sharps container.
If you have your own sex toys or BDSM equipment that you would like me to use on you, I would be more than happy to accommodate you.
Much of kink is about the psychological experience more than the physical. Kink has the potential to provide uplifting, spiritual, transcendent experiences, but can also trigger past traumas or create new ones.
Mental health safety is important to me. As with physical health disclosures, I ask that you let me know if there are any mental health concerns or conditions that might impact or be impacted by our play.
Some types of psychological edge play I may not be willing or able to fully explore until we have gotten to know each other - there can be a fine line between pushing and crossing your boundaries and without familiarity it can be impossible for me to know just where the line is.
Psychological safety is one of the reasons I ask so many questions and check in during scenes. Please understand that your pleasure and fantasy are very important to me, but not more so than your mental health.
While kink can be cathartic and therapeutic, I am not a therapist and BDSM is not a substitute for therapy. I'm happy to explore and discuss many things, but am not equipped to provide serious mental health support.
Aftercare & Sub Drop
The effects of a scene can last long after the play ends.
While most seasoned players have experienced drop at one time or another, it may be an unexpected and distressing experience for people who are new to BDSM.
Sub drop can occur immediately after a scene or up to a few days later, and can be shortlived or last multiple days. It can manifest in a variety of different ways, such as feeling empty, sad or irritable; feeling emotional for no clear reason; being tired, listless, chilled, or sore. It can be similar to the experience of coming down after getting high or the emotional crash after another intense experience like travel or running a marathon.
During an intense physical, psychological, or emotional experience your brain and body is flooded with chemicals, including endorphins. These chemicals are what makes intense experiences pleasurable and creates the much sought after subspace. After the experience is over, you are depleted, and it can take a while for your brain and body to regain balance.
A taxing physical experience, including pain, can exacerbate these effects, as your body recovers.
I usually build in a little bit of aftercare time into my sessions, and I'm happy to provide extra aftercare if it's needed. What aftercare looks like is very individual, and we can discuss your specific aftercare needs.
I recommend that you have an aftercare plan for once you leave our session, which may include taking care of your physical needs, doing something that feels good, and finding things that soothe you emotionally.
Most importantly, being aware of the possibility of sub drop and being prepared will help you get through any unpleasant after effects.
Medication & Substance Use
I ask that clients not be intoxicated in any way during our sessions primarily because intoxication is incompatible with informed consent.
In addition, substance use can add a layer of unpredictability to play, around mood, reactions, self awareness, and pain tolerance. Your likelihood of being injured or traumatized increases if you play while impaired.
I have no moral judgements around substance use and do not require you to abstain completely, but do ask that if you drink or use to ensure that you do so in a way that does not leave you impaired.
I am trained in overdose prevention and response, and have a naloxone kit on hand.
Please take any regular medications you require to be your healthiest, most present self, be that anti-depressants, blood pressure medication, or Suboxone. I don't recommend playing while withdrawing or when starting a new medication whose effects you're unfamiliar with.
If you experience side effects from your regular medication which may impact our play, such as dizziness, fainting, or bruising more easily, please let me know.
Safewords & Consent
It's very important that I have your on going consent while we play. As such, I will not do a scene without safewords or another method for you to stop the scene if you need to.
In addition, I find that safewords are an important tool for playing with submissives who want to push their limits and when playing with someone new. While it might seem like doing away with the safeword might allow the scene to be more intense and edgy, in reality, having a safeword - knowing that you can stop the scene if you need to - expands my comfort zone in pushing limits.
In combination with a safeword, I like using a shibboleth to check in on your active consent without taking away from the scene. You can read more about this call and response opt-in consent model at the Max Snax blog.
While I love edge play and pushing your comfort zones, I don't want to injure you or traumatize you. That's not hot. If I don't know you very well already, on going communication during the scene is the only way I'm going to know where you're at. The more tools we have for communication, the better. I will always monitor your body language and and watch for signs of distress, and employ regular verbal communications, but with a safeword and/or shibboleth I can reduce the number of other verbal check-ins I do, helping to maintain your headspace and fantasy.